We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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