You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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