shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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