thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
