Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
