Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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