Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
