Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
