I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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