Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
