I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize