I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Your dad touched me again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
