I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
