we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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