Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize