I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize