it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
