I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
