After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
