I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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