it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
