Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
