we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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