Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize