I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
