i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
