the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
