I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
