My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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