If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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