And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
