I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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