so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i came on her dog
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
