I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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