i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i now understand why vodka
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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