I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
