No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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