You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
