Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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