I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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