8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
