just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
