She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
