i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
