Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize