if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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