capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
