i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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