I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
