She is in my trunk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
as a side note pls kill me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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