you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize