I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
