I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.