When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.