Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..