3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
