your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger