When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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