Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
