Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
