She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im part way to drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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