Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
