yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
