Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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