I wish my penis had an off switch
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize