So drunk its hurt
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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