Redeem this text for a blowjob
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
