i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
