Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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