I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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