I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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