We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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