All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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